Jealous in Church.
The other day in church, the pastor told us the news of his mother being free of cancer after four short weeks. A sudden flood of emotions washed over me. I was jealous. In church, of all places. I was jealous that this man’s mother got to live another day, that God chose her to beat cancer and not mine.
What is wrong with me!?
Then it set in, the guilt. How dare I anger over the fact that this woman survived and my mother didn’t. How dare I be jealous that he will continue to make memories with his mom and I won’t.
Have you been there? Do you know what I’m talking about? Don’t worry, I know you do. You don’t even have to say it. If you are reading this and you too have lost a loved one, I can almost certainly state that you have faced jealousy of another’s seemingly better circumstances.
I’m not here to tell you that you’re right and I’m definitely not here to tell you that you’re wrong. But I will tell you that you are not alone. That your emotions are valid and that I applaud the realness admist your struggle.
I believe that although our story may not be that of survival, God had a different one in mind. One of strength and of prosperity. Of hope and of overcoming. I believe that although misfortunate in our losses, we are fortunate in our opportunity to live because we know death. To shine because we know darkness and to be free because we know the one who will see us through.
So today, in all of your courageous rawness, I encourage you to continue on. To live your truth and to share your story. Let your life be both bold and bright. And let it shine enough for the both of you.
Carry on, Warriors.